Christian Life Coaching/Mentoring

Our Christian Life Coaches helps clients set and reach their goals, maximize their potential, and step more fully into their God-given calling. Finding solutions is a results-oriented systematic progression and although life coaches act as facilitators to help unlock potential and gifting, it is the client who primarily guides the process. In that regard, life coaches aid learning and development through active experiential discovery, more so than merely “teaching” a method or approach. The key here is to understand coaching as a journey that takes place over time through a relational alliance between the life coach, the client, and the Lord. Critical to the outcome is providing a safe and trustworthy environment through an authentic relationship that allows a client to hear from and cooperate with the Holy Spirit in his or her life.

Our mentors share their knowledge, skills, and experience to help another person to progress personally, professionally, relationally and spiritually. 

CONFLICT RESOLUTION 

(items in blue denote tools that require coach/mentor guidance) 

Conflict is a part of the human experience.   Whether the workplace, home, school or church…it’s inevitable that we will experience differences of opinion, or catch each other on a bad day.  If two parties are willing, the following conflict resolution techniques are helpful.   It takes two, in order for the following to be effective.  Conflict resolution can oftentimes feel uncomfortable, but if addressed in a rational (high brain) method, we can oftentimes grow personally and strengthen our relationships as a result.  Conflict Resolution is when two parties come together to find a workable, peaceful solution to a problem.  

#GOALS  To preserve the relationship, create safety and develop a shared purpose

#TIPS

1. Remember-everyone wants to be heard and acknowledged. Understand that each party will have their own perspective

2. Be honest and transparent about how you are feeling

3. Be kind and respectful in how you say it (voice tone/influctuations/body language)

4. Be humble and take responsibility for your part. Remember-we can’t always be right all the time

5. Be factual (don’t add assumptions, judgements). Focus on facts, events not on personalities

6. Be ready/willing to listen with an open heart

7. Be prepared that they might not see eye to eye, need time to process, or surprised that there even was an issue.

8. It takes two to resolve conflict, if one or the other party isn’t ready to come to the table then wait…pray…do your part…move on. 

9. We all make mistakes and need forgiveness, EGR might be required (extra grace required) in some situations.  If there is potential for aggression, your words could be taken wrong or weaponized, it’s best to have a 3rd party there as a witness. 

10. If you are angry or highly upset, wait until you calm down to address the issue.  Oftentimes, we will regret what we do in anger.   Take deep breaths/exercise.

11. Follow a strategy not emotions

12. Remember that sometimes you are just not going to get what you want out of a conflict. Focus on the things that you can control (like yourself) and not on the things you can’t (the other person, the past, etc.).

#BEFORE YOU MEET

1. Ask if the person is willing to have a heart to heart conversation to help clear up any misunderstandings.  Express that you value your relationship with them and would like to have an opportunity to discuss a situation that has been bothering you.   You would like to have an opportunity to share the issue and hear their side of things with the purpose of hopeful reconciliation or at least come to an understanding even if it means to agree to disagree.   Ask when it would be convenient.   Face to face is always best when possible (eye contact, body language, and hopefully praying for one another is the best possible outcome). 

2. Prepare yourself for the meeting by praying and asking God to give you His perspective and heart in the situation.   Study scriptures relating to conflict, how to handle your enemies and peace-bearers.

3. If it helps, rehearse what you’re going to say in front of a trusted friend and get their feedback.   Sometimes writing it down and reading it out loud is helpful. 

#DURING THE MEETING

1. Sit in a comfortable, non threatening, position (preferably neutral and close in the “US” position instead of the “you vs me” position).

2. No raising of the voice, be a change-agent, peace-dweller

3. Expressing emotions is healthy as long as you don’t weaponize. “I Feel, I Need I Want”

4. Avoid “you” statements

5. If appropriate open with prayer (ask 3rd party to pray)

#TAKE TURNS SHARING

1. SHARE: Ask permission to share then express the following using the Heart to Heart Method (Why you called the meeting, How you are feeling, What outcome you would like to obtain (S.M.A.R.T. request)

1. Thank them for listening.

2. Ask them if they would like to share their perspective on the situation including their S.M.A.R.T. request.

3. Thank them for sharing

4. If all goes well, end with prayer (pray for eachother or have moderator pray over both)

5. If one or the other is not ready or needs more time to process, give it time and show respect during the wait.   

#ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Discover your apology type  free online assessment click here.  The five apology languages are expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting, and requesting forgiveness. The language system was researched and developed by counselor and creator of the love languages Gary Chapman, Ph. D., and psychologist Jennifer Thomas, Ph.

#RESULTS

Constructive conflict resolution might look like this:

• Seeing things from the other person’s point of view

• Solving a problem

• Realizing you are wrong and being able to admit it and fix it

• Gaining a better understanding of the other person

• Gaining knowledge on how to better solve other conflicts in the future

• Developing trust or mutual respect for eachother

• Embracing forgiveness

Unproductive conflict might look like this:

• Building ongoing resentment, distrust, anger, etc. towards people in specific or people in general               

• Development of health issues (anxiety, stress, depression, diseases, headaches, etc.)

• Establishing patterns of unhealthy relationship issues or tendencies in the future.

• Entering into gossip (ruminating) over the situation to others who are not involved.